Finding Your Way
by Aya Diefair
Summary: Draco never felt more lost knowing that her time was running out. — - Warning: Slow Character Death. - — Part of the Threads of Fate Collection


**Competition/Challenge Block:****  
Written for/Stacked with:** Hogwarts School of Witchcraft & Wizardry (Term 11); Quidditch League Fanfiction Competition (Season 7); Monthly Challenges for All (Year 2)**  
House/Team:** Ravenclaw (Hogwarts); Wigtown Wanderers (Quidditch League)  
**Role/Position**: Prefect (Hogwarts); Keeper (QL)  
**QL Prompt:** The High Priestess — Reversed: Lack of Centre, Lost Inner Voice, Repressed Feelings  
**Bingo: **Summer [2C] Grey  
**Representation:** Draco Malfoy; Astoria Malfoy; Blood-Curse  
**Bonus Challenges:** Second Verse (Sneeze Weasel; Not a Lamp; White Dress; Spinning Plates); Chorus (Wabi Sabi; Machismo - Detached; Emotional; A Long Dog)  
**Tertiary Bonus Challenges:** Orator; Oath (O3); Terrarium (T3);

**Shipping War:** Stellar Legends (Big List - Promise)  
**Word Count:** 2,079 words (per Google Docs)  
**Beta(s):** Bailey, Gab

* * *

**.oOo.**

_This is my winter song_

_December never felt so wrong_

_Cause you're not where you belong_

_Inside my arms_

-Winter Song, Sara Bareilles and Ingrid Michaelson

**.oOo.**

_December 2018_

Draco mindlessly tapped his index finger on the ornate ash-colored table to the seconds ticking away, mimicking the quiet ticking of the watch tucked away in his dress robes' inner pocket. The much older wizards—and few witches—babbled on about the red tape barring the company's shipment of dragon heartstrings from the Romanian Dragon Sanctuary. It was why they were gathered now, pondering on what to do about it in order to get the materials in on time to be distributed to wandmakers around the world.

It was a standard order for the company, but when reports of poachers using large orders like theirs to smuggle in illegal products started, a thorough investigation had halted all imports in search of the offending contraband. They hadn't been given any estimation as to how long it was going to take or if any of their heartstrings were compromised.

Draco didn't care.

He had other things on his mind that didn't involve his business' setbacks. His thoughts were focused on Astoria withering away in a cold, sterilized room at St. Mungo's on the first day of winter. Her episodes were getting worse, and it sickened him to think of the inviatable. They flitted from worrying about her to worrying about Scorpius, who was on his way home from school for the holiday. He hoped to be at the station on time, regardless of this meeting, and head straight to Astoria from there.

"Mr. Malfoy, how would you like us to proceed?"

The gnarly voice of the wizard to his right pulled Draco from his thoughts. He ceased tapping on the table and glanced around the room before eyeing the parchment that was now placed in front of him. It was situations like this that had Draco wonder what Astoria would do. She always had a way of handling stressful situations with such grace and dignity. Sometimes it drove him crazy how gentle and level-headed she was, but it was also a large part of why he loved her so deeply.

What would she do in this alleged catastrophe?

Not even bothering to give the papers a proper look, he placed a hand over them, slid them over to the man on his right, and got to his feet.

"Pushback the delivery dates and keep in contact with Charlie Weasley on the shipment status," he drawled, pulling his pocket watch out and opening it to read the time. "He will prioritize the order and make sure the investigators will examine everything for Malfoy Co. immediately."

"Mr. Malfoy," a witch said with a tone that threatened outrage. "We haven't had a late order or delivery since this company's inception. Our reputation completely relies on its efficiency and punctuality to our customers and distributors."

"It is obvious that this is out of our hands," Draco sneered, snapping the pocket watch closed and glaring at the witch across the table. "So adjust accordingly. If you all know how to do your jobs, no one is going to mind the delay if paired with the proper memo and accommodation for the inconvenience."

"Sir, if we temporarily switch providers—"

"If anyone seeks out alternative circuits on the heartstrings you'll be fired," Draco snapped, grabbing the briefcase that sat on the floor beside his chair. "Poachers will do anything to get their botched product sold. Consider every outlet contaminated, and wait out the investigation until our shipment is cleared."

He didn't bother dismissing anyone; instead, he turned and left without another word. At this point he wouldn't give a damn if the company went under because of this—it was far from a priority of his right now.

He was going to be late to Kings Cross.

* * *

_April 2019_

Astoria fainted at her thirty-sixth birthday celebration. Draco knew he shouldn't have allowed it to become such a large gathering for this very reason. These attacks happened when she became overwhelmed, regardless of whether it was based in joy or stress. He should have been more considerate and said no to the entire thing, but he didn't, and now she was laying in a hospital bed with healers and mediwitches and wizards scrambling around trying to stabilize her.

Draco watched through the window until they shut the curtains on him. Daphne took Scorpius to the cafeteria to get some sweets in an attempt to distract him from the chaos, but he knew it wasn't going to work.

Dr. Hale—a wizard with a Muggle medicine background the Greengrasses insisted on using—breezed through the door, reading a file as he approached Draco. Draco was furious to see him not in there helping Astoria and instead came to speak to him about what was going on. He knew exactly what was happening, having verbal confirmation of it wasn't going to make it better or easier.

"Overexertion again," Dr. Hale stated flatly. "Her heart isn't handling this episode well, Mr. Malfoy. Stabilizing her is becoming more difficult each time she comes in."

"Then why aren't you in there doing it?" Draco snapped, eyes glinting. "That's your job!"

The slap of the folder startled him enough to take a step back, and when Dr. Hale's cold gaze met his own, Draco felt a chill slither down his spine.

"At this point, all we can do is get her heart rate under control and make her as comfortable as possible. I apologize for saying it, but we all knew this was coming."

Draco swallowed hard. He glanced over at the curtains obscuring his sightline to Astoria before his hand curled into a tight fist. It took all he had to not hit the man standing in front of him. Astoria would be ashamed of him if she could hear his thoughts right now.

"She didn't even do anything! She was in that wheel contraption, those fluids on the pole were secure, it wasn't even a surprise… She expected everything and prepared accordingly for it," Draco said with a shaky breath. "This shouldn't have happened!"

Dr. Hale gave a light shrug at the comment. "It could've happened at any time. This is out of your control, Mr. Malfoy. I would advise you and your family to use this time wisely. She will be available shortly."

He turned and headed down the hall without another word, bypassing Daphne and Scorpius who stood frozen just outside of Astoria's room. They stared at Draco with knowing looks, having obviously overheard the last chunk of conversation between him and the doctor. He turned away from them and collapsed into a chair nearby, rubbing his forehead with his hands as his son approached and a gentle brush of Daphne's hand slid over his shoulder.

"Mother is dying, isn't she?"

Draco could hear the finality in his son's tone, but he himself didn't want to admit it to himself. He gave a firm shake of his head, turning his red-lined eyes toward him—he dared not speak unless he wanted to have a complete breakdown. Scorpius wrapped his arms around him and rested his head on his shoulder.

* * *

_December 2019_

Astoria had told Draco she would endure to see Scorpius' fourteenth birthday, and that day was fast approaching. The events of her own birthday had left her bedridden and cooped up in the hospital these past several months. Spring had given way to summer, and now the days grew darker and colder as winter approached. It only made their days more bleak and looming. Draco stopped going to work. Scorpius demanded to stop attending school, but Draco knew that he needed some kind of a structured routine to prevent him from spiraling, too.

Scorpius hated him for it.

Draco sat at her bedside at all hours, barely sleeping, and was occasionally forced to leave when her vitals plummeted. She barely stayed awake now, but the few minutes she was he spent apologizing and offering comfort. She always responded with the same words.

"My life was never certain."

It killed him a little more every time he heard it.

Daphne left to get Scorpius from Kings Cross, leaving Draco alone with Astoria. Both of their parents dismissed themselves to have a late supper in the cafeteria, allowing them to spend the evening together before the doctor gave them the results of her recent tests.

Astoria stirred from her sleep, and the weak grip of her hand in his jostled Draco from the drowsy haze he was in. He leaned in as her eyes fluttered open, and a soft wheeze escaped from her lips.

"So thirsty."

He helped her get a long, much needed drink of cool water. Cradling her head as gently as a newborn's, Draco lowered it gently back onto the flat pillows that were now adjusted to prop her up some.

"Why am I still here?" she asked, barely above a whisper, while taking in the very white, barren hospital room in the low lighting.

Draco cringed, knowing how she was going to reply despite what he was about to say. "Here is the best place for you right now, love."

She shook her head ever so slightly, looking over at him now. "You of all people know that isn't true anymore."

He didn't answer since she went into a coughing fit. He held the pan in front of her for her to spit the pink-colored saliva into, but her wheezing only got worse even after she calmed down some.

"Draco…"

There was no stopping the tears welling in his eyes now as he gripped her hand a little tighter.

"I want to go home now. Please…"

Despite what his instincts said about staying close to where she could receive the most help at the drop of a hat, Draco knew that she wasn't happy or comfortable there. He was starting to get selfish trying to keep her alive against her will by tethering her here, and it was unfair to her and her wishes.

He found himself signing the discharge papers while his mother owled Daphne to head back to the Manor with Scorpius. Dr. Hale was gracious enough to send them home in a Muggle emergency vehicle so she could be closely monitored for the trip. Scorpius, Daphne, the elder Greengrasses, and his own parents were waiting for them, using the time it took to drive to Whiltshire from London to convert the sitting room into a makeshift bedroom without making it look like the bleak, sterile room they left behind.

Scorpius was arranging the flowers with Daphne when Draco entered the room. The boy's tear streaks on his cheeks were noticeable from across the room, and Draco closed the distance immediately to embrace his son as Astoria was wheeled into the room and carefully moved onto the bed. She had slept the entire trip home, but she stirred once Dr. Hale got her comfortable and dismissed the mediwizards to the foyer to offer them some privacy.

Draco barely noticed the doctor lingering in the corner beside the end table as he released Scorpius, who went to climb onto the bed with his mother. Draco felt rooted to the spot while the rest of the family slowly gathered around Astoria, muttering their goodbyes, offering kisses, and delicate hugs. He watched everyone dab at their eyes and stifle their sobs, all while Astoria kept that soft smile on her frail face and that spark in her sunken eyes.

To say he felt empty was an understatement, but Draco couldn't let himself accept what was unfolding in front of him. It was like his mind turned to stone. He knew his heart was shattering and tearing him apart from the inside, but his brain refused to let him feel it. He was adrift, untethered from his own emotions as he faced the nightmare that was now shutting him down, just like this all those years before.

Before he realized how much time had passed, everyone except Scorpius left the room. He had fallen asleep, his eyes still leaking tears as he slept, an occasional sniffle escaping him. Draco sat down on the edge of the bed beside her. Leaning in, he planted a kiss on her forehead and closed his eyes when her hand rested on his cheek.

"It is about time…" she whispered in his ear. "I am finally where I need to be."


End file.
